Title: Mad Dogs and Englishmen

By: Junkfoodmonkey

Rated: PG

Summary: An English nurse the A-Team knew in Vietnam needs their help. The team head to London to try their luck with British weather, British beer, British food, and some very British bad guys. Set in 1985.

Disclaimer: The A-Team doesn't belong to me; I'm not making any money from this.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen

Chapter 1

"We're really going by boat this time?"

"I told you, BA. Look, boat tickets."

BA glanced across at the tickets Hannibal was holding, then turned his eyes back on the road. He'd already examined the tickets very thoroughly.

"The QE2," Hannibal said. "Talk about your ultimate in luxury, BA, you'll love it. And the food on those cruise ships! Well, you know what I'm talking about. We'll all have to go on diets when we get back."

"Yeah." BA said smiling. "It sounds great." Then slightly suspiciously he said. "And the boat takes us right to London?"

"Well no, we get off at Southampton."

"And how do we get to London from there?" BA demanded.

"On a train, BA. Don't worry, we won't be doing any flying, I promise you. England is only a small country." Hannibal looked at BA. "Oh, and don’t ask Face how he got the tickets, unless you want him to say 'don't ask me what I went through to get these tickets' and then talk for an hour about what he went through."

BA smiled. He was in a good mood now, looking forward to the trip. "I guess we're lucky to have the old Faceman. He's real good at what he does."

Hannibal looked a little surprised. "You never tell him that."

"Yeah, well," BA looked slightly embarrassed, then said gruffly. "His head's swelled enough already, any bigger and he won’t fit in the van."

Hannibal grinned as they pulled up in front of a house. BA hit the horn a couple of times and a moment later Face and Murdock emerged, carrying a large amount of luggage. Murdock was wearing a sun hat and a Hawaiian shirt. Hannibal and BA watched them struggle with their baggage, heaving it into the back of the van before they climbed aboard, sweating a bit.

"Thanks for the help," Face said. Murdock seemed to be too excited to join in the sarcasm. As the van pulled away from the kerb he bounced in his seat.

"Hannibal, this is going to be so great," he said. "Face got us really nice cabins, he said. And there's all the shows and a casino and stuff on board. I'm not going to want to get off. Forget flying, we should do this every time!"

Hannibal frowned at him a little. "Don't forget we have a job at the end of it. A job you brought to us."

Murdock sobered a little. "Yes, I know." He gave a slightly wistful smile. "It will be nice to see Jenny again. She was a really sweet girl."

"She's not a girl any more, Murdock," Face reminded him. "And she's married."

"I know." Murdock said, "Was just saying it'll be nice to see her again, that's all." He went quiet and started twirling his sun hat on his finger. They drove in silence towards the port for a few minutes, and then Murdock suddenly piped up again.

"Ooh, Hannibal, can we stop at Captain Bellybusters, there's one with a drive thru coming up on the right here."

"Murdock, we'll be on the boat in an hour. Then it's 'all you can eat' buffets all the way to London."

"Aw, but Hannibal, they don't have Hamburger Heaven in England, I checked. Please, please, please, please, please."

"Okay, okay. BA, pull in." BA growled about it but pulled into the Drive-Thru. At Murdock's prompting he ordered four burgers and fries and four sodas then moved on to the window, collected their food and drove into the parking lot. He handed out the food and drinks. For a moment he looked suspiciously at his soda, but then almost laughed at his own paranoia. The Bellybusters guy had just handed it to him. None of the team had touched it. He drank the ice-cold soda.

Thirty seconds later BA fell asleep.

"I wish he'd at least eaten his burger first." Face said as the rest of the team dumped their sodas. "Now when he wakes up he'll not only be on a plane he'll be hungry too." Hannibal just grinned. He helped Murdock haul BA into the back seat, and then strapped him into Murdock's chair while the pilot took the wheel.

"How much did you slip that guy at Bellybusters?" Murdock asked as they left the parking lot and turned back the way they had come, away from the docks and towards the airport.

"A hundred." Face said. He'd been a little worried about how easily the server had been persuaded when he'd dropped in there earlier that morning.

"A hundred bucks to slip some unknown substance into someone's drink." Murdock shuddered. "Remind me never to eat there again."

Hannibal was examining the boat tickets.

"Are these real QE2 tickets, Face?"

"No, but they're beautiful forgeries aren’t they? I think we could actually get aboard with them. Of course we'd find some genuine fare-paying passengers in 'our' cabins."

"Did you make them yourself?" Hannibal asked.

"Wish I could take credit, but no. I got them from Ash Wednesday. Best forger in the valley."

Murdock grinned. Hannibal looked quizzical. "Ash Wednesday? That's erm, sort of an unusual name."

"It's not his real name. Well Ash is. Well his passport says Ash…" he paused, looking thoughtful. "Anyway, that’s what he calls himself, Frank Ash. But whatever you want from him he'll always have it for you 'by Wednesday'. I think that's the only day he comes out of his workshop."

"How much did they cost?"

"Nothing, money wise anyway. All they cost me is a date."

"With Ash Wednesday?" Hannibal's eyebrows went up. "Face, that's what I call going beyond the call of duty."

"Not with him," Face snorted, "with his daughter. When we get back."

"Pretty is she?" Murdock asked.

"Well if her dad has to set her up on dates, I'm guessing not." Face said.

"You never know, Face," Hannibal said. "Maybe she's gorgeous and Mr Wednesday just wants her to marry someone in the business." Face looked as if he hadn't thought of that, looked happier.

"Nah," Murdock said. "I'm betting she's a heifer."

"Shut up and drive, Murdock." Face said, scowling.

"This plane's kinda small isn’t it?" Hannibal said as they got aboard the private jet. Their luggage took up a lot of the available cabin space. Face bristled at Hannibal's comment.

"Do you know what I went through to get this plane?"

Fearing he was about to be told in great detail Hannibal said. "Sorry, Face, it's a fabulous plane, and I'm sure BA won’t mind if one of us sits on his knee for the journey."

"Okay, chaps," Murdock's voice came over the PA, before Face could answer. "Everybody strap in tight. We're off to London to visit the Queen!"

After they took off again, fully refuelled, and headed out over the Atlantic, Face came into the cockpit with some sandwiches, cake and coffee.

"Hey, Murdock. Figured you needed refuelling too."

"Thanks, Face." He engaged the autopilot while they ate the food. Through the curtain that separated them from the cabin they could hear Hannibal's voice.

"Right, BA, I'm going to free one of your hands, so you can eat this sandwich. Now if you try and grab me, or hit me, then you go hungry, okay?"

Face and Murdock looked at each other. There were scuffling and crashing sounds from the cabin.

"Think he needs any help?" Face asked.

"Like a whip and a chair?" Murdock suggested. "Tranquilliser gun?" He added as another crash sounded.

"Everything alright back there, Hannibal?" Face called.

"Oh, just fine, thanks." Hannibal's voice sounded a bit choked, almost as if someone had an arm around his throat. Face shrugged and washed down his cake with some coffee. Then he took a syringe out of his pocket, uncapped it.

"Back in a second." Murdock waited. There was a howl of outrage from BA and then silence. Face came back into the cockpit and sat down. "You gonna eat that?" He asked, nodding at Murdock's cake.

Murdock smiled. "Take it."

"Murdock! Wake up!" Murdock jerked awake.

"Huh, what? Is something wrong?"

Face looked slightly embarrassed. "Er, no, sorry. It just makes me nervous when the only pilot aboard is asleep at the controls."

"It's on autopilot, Face." Murdock yawned and stretched, checked his watch. "These babies can find their way home better than most human pilots."

"Oh, good." Face looked out into the darkness. "You want some coffee?"

Murdock sighed. "If it'll make you happier. Just don't blame me if I have to sleep for three days when we get there."

Face went back into the cabin to get the coffee. Hannibal and BA were both asleep. He quietly went back to the cockpit.

"You know if you or Hannibal would take flying lessons then I wouldn't be the only pilot." Murdock said, taking the coffee.

"Yeah, then we wouldn't have to keep breaking you out of the VA to take on missions with us," Face answered, "which frankly would be kind of a relief, I don’t know how many more of those breakout scams I can think of." His eyes twinkled.

"Ah, yeah. Well, learning to fly is really hard." Murdock said, hastily. "I doubt if either you or Hannibal could manage it."

They drank their coffee.

"So…" Face said eventually. "You looking forward to seeing Jenny then?" He thought about the British Red Cross nurse they'd met in Vietnam. She'd been pretty cute, Face thought, but not really his type. Murdock had rather liked her though.

"Sure," Murdock said, "She was great fun."

"You were pretty sweet on her, weren't you?"

"Was not." Murdock said, a little defensively.

"Were too," Face retorted. "You stopped asking me to get you comic books for a whole month and asked me to get you books of English poetry instead."

"A man needs to expand his cultural horizons sometimes," Murdock said loftily. "There are times even The Dark Knight cannot touch one's soul."

Face rolled his eyes. "I don’t think it's your soul you were hoping to have touched." He said.

"Sir," Murdock said, in an English accent and an affronted tone. "A gentleman does not discuss such things. We were merely friends, nothing more."

Face dropped that subject for now. "You've been to London before, right?"

"Yeah. Summer vacation when I was in college." Murdock's voice was American again. "I was going to go hitch-hiking around Europe, but I didn't get any further than London."

"How come?"

"Well, there was this girl." Murdock admitted.

"Another one? Murdock are we going to find the streets of London paved with your ex-girlfriends?"

"Jenny wasn't my girlfriend," Murdock pointed out.

"Ah, of course." Face said. "My mistake. So when she wrote to you for advice and you decided that instead of advice the whole team should cross half the globe to help her out for free, that's just because you were friends, right?"

"Right."

"Not because you were sweet on her at all."

"No."

"Glad that's clear then." Face said.