Jahni pulling into a parking space at the airport and winced at the shriek his tyres made. Did he have to drive over here so fast? His sensible side nagged at him, the way it had as he weaved through the afternoon traffic. His less sensible side insisted that, yes he did have to. Because he wanted to arrive before Sophia.

No sign of her when he got to the terminal, which gave Jahni irrational pleasure and then made him annoyed at his own pettiness. Madari wouldn't know or care which of them arrived first. He bought a coffee and strolled over to Arrivals to wait. Sophia arrived ten minutes before the plane landed. She had good timing, Jahni had to give her that.

"Hello, Kahil."

"Sophia." He bowed his head to her. "You're well?"

"Fine, thank you. And you?"

"Fine. You changed your hair."

"Yes," she said, smiling and touching her hair.

It was a week since he'd seen her and it had changed since then, so she'd had it done for Madari coming home.

"It's very nice," he said, since that seemed to be what women liked to hear. She thanked him and they lapsed into silence, watching the Arrivals board. Madari's plane showed a five minute delay on its arrival time.

"I think I'll have some coffee too," Sophia said. "Can I bring you another one?"

"No thank you."

She left, walking more quickly than usual. Hurrying in fact. Not like her, Jahni thought. She usually glided elegantly around, all her movements smooth and graceful.

She's nervous.

Jahni felt some nervousness himself. Those strange days in Zaire with Madari, dreaming they were lovers, were in his mind constantly. But now they must be fully awake again. Friends. Commander and second. Never more than that. Never again. What made him nervous were doubts that he had the strength to stay awake.

Sophia returned with her coffee just as the board changed to show the plane had landed.

"I suppose the unit is all in an uproar getting ready for the Colonel to return," she said.

"Well, a highly disciplined and organised uproar."

"He reports for duty the day after tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Good." She smiled as she took a sip of coffee and Jahni had to control the growl that wanted to rumble in his throat. He'd be at work tomorrow; had his own last minute preparations for Madari's return. Paperwork mostly. Meanwhile Madari would have the day free, and Jahni knew for sure Sophia would have kept her otherwise busy social calendar empty for that day.

She didn't have to dream of being Madari's lover, she had the reality. It wasn't fair. He dumped his empty coffee cup in a waste bin and folded his arms, scowling. Of course it wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair, and sulking about it didn't help. A man faced reality.

It took another fifteen minutes before Madari finally appeared, hauling his trunk on wheels and carrying a flight bag and brief case. Jahni saw him and waved, irrationally pleased at spotting him before Sophia did. Oh, well done, idiot, you're taller than her. But he forgot such nonsense, forgot this ridiculous rivalry and both of them smiled and waved. He was home. That's what mattered.

Madari dropped the bag and briefcase as he reached Jahni and Sophia, glancing from one to the other. But of course, he couldn't hug Sophia in public, did no more than briefly take her hands in his.

"My dear, so good to see you." He turned to Jahni. "Kahil. My friend." They could embrace and did, laughing, slapping each other on the back, in suitably manly style, breaking apart quite quickly. Still, he felt a small moment of triumph.

"Let's get away from the exit," Madari said, as more people piled out behind him. He grabbed his flight bag and briefcase, while Jahni grabbed the handle to pull the trunk and they all moved away, to a clearer space.

"I can't stop looking at you," Sophia said, smiling and putting a hand on Madari's arm when they stopped. Jahni understood that. His eyes felt glued to Madari, familiar and yet new.

"Didn't they feed you out there?" Sophia asked. "You're skin and bone!"

Madari laughed at that. "I did lose some weight because of the poisoning. But mostly it's down to hard work!" He wore Western style clothes, trousers, a long sleeved T-Shirt and a short jacket. Practical for travelling, but they emphasised how thin he'd become.

"I'll soon fatten you up again," Sophia said.

"And sitting behind your desk all day will help," Jahni said, grinning.

"Indeed. I'm looking forward to getting back to barracks."

"Kahil told me about the beard," Sophia said, raising her hand as if she meant to touch it, but then catching herself. "Will you be shaving it off now?" She looked hopeful when she said it.

So, she didn't like the beard? "I quite like it," Jahni said. "It reminds me of the old days."

"Well, I might keep it for a while," Madari said.

Sophia got a determined look in her eyes then, which Jahni read as 'we'll see about that.' Perhaps she didn't like kissing men with beards. Jahni hadn't minded it, but he was hardly going to let a little thing like a beard stand in the way of that opportunity. Sophia might think differently. Of course, she was a subtle woman, she'd hardly demand that Madari shave, but if she wanted the beard gone, she'd find a way to make it happen.

"Well," Madari said, after they all just stood for a few seconds, Jahni and Sophia looking at him, him looking back at them, all of them smiling. "We can't stand here grinning at each other all day."

"I'll drive you home," Jahni said.

"Oh, I thought you'd have to go back to work," Sophia said. "I was going to offer. We do have some things to talk about, Faris."

They did, but Jahni saw Madari give a tiny wince at the prospect, before he spoke softly.

"I know. But I've had a long journey and I'm very tired. I just need to go home and rest."

"Of course," she said, her voice faltering only a little. "But if Kahil needs to go back to work."

"No, I'm fine, I said I'd be out of the barracks all afternoon." Jahni grabbed the handle to pull the trunk again. "I've got my car here. Plenty of room for this beast!"

"That's true. I'm not sure it would fit in your two-seater, my dear," Madari said to Sophia.

She frowned at the trunk as if it had personally offended her. "No, I suppose you're right. Shall we have lunch tomorrow at my flat then?"

"Yes, that would be very nice."

She still looked frustrated, and Jahni understood that feeling. Perhaps she'd keyed herself up for this reunion, ready to talk through the various issues the two of them must have to discuss and instead of that discussion she was forced to restrict herself to small talk and told to wait until later. Oh, yes, he understood that.

They all headed for the car park, stopping only for Madari to pick up a newspaper, which he stuffed into a pocket of his flight bag. Whether he was 'enjoying his airport' as usual, or just wanted to catch up on the local news, Jahni didn't know.

They parted from Sophia in the car park, and Madari watched her go, before Jahni led him onwards to where his car was parked.

"So how are you, Kahil?" Madari asked, as they heaved the trunk into the back of the car. "You certainly look well."

"I'm fine. What about you? Sophia was right, you do look thin."

"It is down to extra work," he chuckled as they got into the car and Jahni started it up. "I'm quite lean and stringy right now. I could probably do with some fat on."

"You've got the body fat of a pencil," Jahni muttered, driving out of the car park, into the sunlight. But he smiled, still happy to have Madari home, however skinny he was. "It's good to have you back, Faris."

"It's good to be back." Madari rested a hand on his arm, briefly. "What you said when you came to visit..."

"Still stands. I promise. I don't say it will be easy. But I meant it. Things are different now."

"Good. Good. As... as it should be." He settled back in his seat. "Now, tell me about everything I've missed. How's the unit? What missions have you had?"

~~~

They talked about the unit and the work it had done for the last six months, almost all the way to Madari's village. Madari loved to hear it. Though Jahni didn't show off exactly, he spoke with justifiable pride about what he'd achieved in those months. Rahama had been right, this had been a great opportunity for him and Madari looked forward to seeing how much his command skills had come on.

For the last few miles, Madari brought him up to date on the things he'd done in Zaire since Jahni's visit. He'd written to him about them of course, but still Jahni hung on his words as he spoke.

"Home," Madari said, voice almost awestruck as they stopped at the gates into the compound. Jahni made him stay in the car while he opened them and drove Madari through them 'in style' as he put it, laughing, as if he were Madari's driver.

The house looked good. Those security features installed not long before Madari left marred its appearance somewhat, but otherwise, all seemed well. The compound was weed-free and swept clean of any more than a day or two's worth of the sand that built up in it. He even thought the window and door frames had a fresh coat of paint.

"I should check the horses," Madari said, glancing at the stable as he got out of the car.

"They're fine," Jahni said. "The groom's been here every day. And Youssef checked them this morning. I called him."

"All right," Madari said. He glanced over at the tarpaulin-covered shape that was his car, sealed up against the sand while it stood idle.

"I cam out here and took it for a short drive once a week," Jahni said, noticing where he was looking. "Just to turn it over. And I changed the oil and filled the water bottle a couple of days ago. It's ready for you to drive."

"You changed the oil?" Madari said in a dubious tone.

"Well, I mean, I paid a mechanic to change the oil." He grinned. "I am a busy man."

"I'm sure. Let's get the trunk."

Inside, the house was dust free, and smelled fresh and aired. Jahni had brought Youssef in to prepare the house for Madari's return. When they took the trunk through into the bedroom he found his bed made with fresh sheets and turned down to air.

Tired as he was, Madari would have liked to climb into that bed now, but it was only four in the afternoon and he had Jahni here. Not a good idea to say he wanted to go straight to bed.

"Let's have some tea," he said, putting his flight bag on the bed. He'd unpack later. Now he wanted some tea.

"I actually did the shopping myself," Jahni said, when Madari found the fridge, freezer and cupboards stocked with food. "Returning the favour."

"Thank you." It seemed so long ago, when Jahni returned from Britain and Madari had ensured he found his flat waiting and ready for him, not dusty and un-lived in. "I notice you bought your favourite kind of biscuits."

Jahni chuckled as Madari took the packet from a cupboard and put some onto two plates. "You like them too!"

Though Jahni offered to help, Madari made him sit and wait while he made the tea himself. He wanted to get to know his kitchen again, get back into his old routines. Only once it was done, did he let Jahni pick up the tray and take it into the living room.

Ah, his favourite chair. A table in arm's reach with a lamp and a humidor on it. He trailed his fingers lightly over the humidor, but didn't open it. He'd have a cigar later, after dinner. Jahni poured the tea and handed him the cup and a plate of biscuits, before sitting down with his own.

"So, was it hard for you to say goodbye to everyone?" Jahni said.

"Very. I made good friends there. Karen said I might see her again sooner than I expected, so who knows what she's plotting?"

"And the little girl. You seemed very fond of her."

"Yes, um..." He sipped his tea. Yes it had been very hard to say goodbye to Kibibi. He'd retained enough control not to upset her or make a fool of himself but, once alone, he'd shed some tears. He wasn't ashamed of them. "Yes, I'll miss her." He hesitated. "For a while, it was like being a father."

"Oh," Jahni said. He drank his tea and ate one of his biscuits, before continuing. "That's something you've never really talked about."

"It's something I've never really thought about much before now. It was an interesting experience."

"Right." Jahni had a nervous look. What was he thinking about? Did Jahni fear Madari might ask Sophia to have a baby with him?

"Karen suggested I bring Kibibi home with me. She was mostly teasing me," he added when Jahni stared at him. "But it could have been possible. I could have adopted her."

"But you didn't want to?"

"It's not a realistic idea is it? For a man in my position? Even if I wanted to, it's not a practical idea."

"I suppose not."

"What about you, Kahil? Do you ever think about being a father?" He almost feared the answer. What if Jahni did want a family? A man who wanted a family needed to start by acquiring a wife.

"It's not something I've ever really considered. I know if my parents were alive, I'd have been made to consider it by now! My mother was on at me to find a nice girl as soon as I finished university." He sighed. "I suppose she'd have ended up rather disappointed in me."

"Kahil, you're a decorated hero, your parents would have been proud of you."

Jahni looked at him for a while, then bent to refill his teacup. "You know that I wasn't referring to my career, Faris."

Madari flushed and covered his momentary agitation by holding out his cup for a refill too. "I have some photographs," he said. "Karen took a lot of photographs. I'm going to frame some of them. Would you like to see them?"

"That would be nice," Jahni said.

After going through the photographs, something Madari suspected Jahni grew tired of more quickly than he did himself, they went to check on the horses.

All seemed well there. The animals were healthy and looked well exercised, the stable was clean. Madari sighed as he patted the noses of the horses. He really needed to make time to do more riding. He loved to ride, he loved these horses, but they were expensive to keep and he needed to justify that expense more. His grandfather used to say that an officer should have a horse. That he wasn't a real officer without one. Madari had three. It was possible he could be overcompensating.

"Come riding with me on Saturday," he said to Jahni, who looked startled at the sudden invitation.

"Well, okay. If you want."

"We'll have a trek. Take some food. It will be nice to see the local scenery again."

Jahni nodded, looking happier. Though not a great rider himself, the idea of spending the day with Madari seemed to please him.

"It's something we should do more often," Madari said. "These animals need more exercise."

They left the stable and strolled in the yard, walking slowly all the way around the house. Madari glanced down startled when Jahni took his hand. For all the months away the only hand he'd held had been Kibibi's. Though he'd felt close enough to Drummond to do the same, the Englishman would have found it strange. And Karen, he felt close enough to, but it wouldn't have been appropriate. So only the child.

To feel Jahni's hand in his made a lump rise in his throat, a mix of joy to be home and sadness at the new boundaries they'd set for their relationship. They walked on, through the deepening twilight, the air cooling, a breeze teasing with gentle fingers.

"Will you stay for dinner?" Madari asked.

"Of course."

"I missed you, Kahil." He didn't add anything to that this time. Just let it be. A simple statement of his feelings.

"You're home now," Jahni said. "Look ahead. Not back."

They strolled on, circling the house. Three times, Madari thought. He should walk around it three times. Like a ritual, to reclaim his territory. But Jahni stopped them after the second circuit, saying he was getting hungry, so they went back into the house.

With lamb in the oven and the vegetables prepared and waiting, Madari remembered his trunk and flight bag still sitting in the bedroom and they went in there to unpack.

Jahni took the flight bag and emptied it out onto the bed. Meanwhile Madari unpacked the trunk piece by piece, putting things in their place at once, leaving the room several times to put book on shelves, or papers in his study.

Back in the bedroom, Jahni threw the dirty clothes into the hamper and picked up the book Madari was currently reading. "Should I just leave this one by the bed?"

"Thank you, yes."

Did he notice the edge of the photograph sticking out of the pages? The picture of the two of them that Madari used to mark a place in the book. He'd used that the whole time he was in Zaire and at times it quite distracted him from his reading. Once he'd almost panicked, when he returned a book he'd borrowed from Karen and realised he'd left the picture in it. But it reappeared in his desk in-tray the next day and she didn't say anything about it.

"Er, Raslan given you any trouble?" Madari asked, as Jahni gathered up Madari's shaving gear and other toiletries.

"No. I think his father-in-law must be making him actually work for a living."

"Have you seen him at all?"

"Just at a couple of big receptions, that kind of thing."

"I trust he looks well," Madari said in his driest tone.

Jahni snorted. "He looks fat."

"Fat?"

"Well, okay, maybe not actually fat. But he looks married that's for sure."

Madari chuckled at that. "Ah yes, a common side effect I believe." He patted his own stomach. He was too thin. "Perhaps if I got married I would fatten up enough to please you and Sophia."

Jahni didn't answer straight away and Madari realised he'd gone too far.

"Kahil, I..."

Jahni stood up, arms full of shaving gear and toiletries. "Having a second helping of dessert seems like a less drastic solution." He walked out of the bedroom.

Madari bit his lip. Damn. That had not been funny. Why had he thought Jahni would find that funny? He felt suddenly awkward, second guessing everything he'd said since coming home. Slow down, he thought. Watch him and gauge his mood and emotions. Be more sensitive to his feelings. After all this time apart and everything that had happened just before that, Jahni had changed. Madari had to account for that.

He'd have to get to know him again. Or at least... bring himself up to date. The other way around too of course. The next few days could be... dangerous. He needed to be careful.

Jahni didn't come back into the bedroom, so Madari finished the unpacking himself and went back to the living room, carrying a small item he'd taken from his flight bag.

"Kahil," he said, finding Jahni setting the table and wearing a grim expression. "I brought you home a souvenir."

Jahni looked up, surprised, and smiled, losing the scowl.

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's just something made by some local craftsmen, in a cooperative." He handed over the parcel of tissue paper. "Nothing expensive, but I think you'll like it."

Jahni unwrapped the paper to find a pendant of polished blue-green stone, on a leather thong with a few highly polished wooden beads each side of the stone, all showing the wood grain in swirling patterns.

"Hand made," Madari said, as Jahni put it over his head. "So it's one of a kind. The stone is unique to the local area, some kind of -" He stopped, mouth suddenly dry as the stone came to rest just below the hollow between Jahni's collar bones.

"I like it," Jahni said. "Thank you."

"The colour of the stone appealed to me, because it's rather like our uniforms."

Jahni's smile turned teasing. "Can I wear it to work then?"

"I think that could be construed as favouritism."

"Are you saying I'm not your favourite?"

"Well, I haven't brought gifts for anyone else in the unit," he said, glad the awkwardness of before had gone. "Though I have brought a nicely carved and inlaid trinket box for Colonel Rahama."

"What have you brought for Sophia?"

And there was the awkwardness again.

"A bracelet," Madari said. "Do you want to see it?"

It had been more expensive than the pendant. But Jahni wouldn't care about that, would he? Women were concerned about such things, but not men.

"No, thanks," Jahni said. He touched the stone of his pendant. "I'll see it when she's wearing it. I'm sure it's very nice. I'm going to check on dinner."

Madari watched him go, heading into the kitchen. Yes... he definitely needed to start getting to know Jahni again. Suddenly he found himself walking on the edge of a cliff with disaster only a misstep away. He adjusted the cutlery on the table, then sat down and picked up the newspaper he'd bought at the airport.

"You've heard about this scandal at the mayor's office?" Madari said, when Jahni came back in.

"Of course. The papers have been full of it for weeks. Haridi's trial is coming up soon."

"Next month it says here. What a terrible situation."

"Do you know him?" Jahni said. "You seem shaken up about it."

"No, it's just..." He broke off. Did he want to say, 'I'm like that'? Or 'We're like that'?

The scandal in question had begun with a police raid on a small sauna in the city, where the police had reports of sexual impropriety between men. And one of the men arrested turned out to be a senior official in the office of the mayor of Az-Ma'ir, a man named Haridi. What would have been a small story on an inside page turned into front page news.

"It's just what?" Jahni prompted.

Unlike Madari, Jahni seemed unperturbed about the story. Perhaps he didn't relate to Haridi, didn't see himself as the same sort of man, the way Madari did. But should Madari think of himself that way? He didn't trawl saunas for sex with men as Haridi had.

Though Madari felt some sympathy for the man, he also felt contempt. He was married, a father, according to the paper. Well, who knows how much of that had been his choice? But still, a man in his position should exercise self-control, for the sake of his family, who now shared his disgrace. Madari controlled himself, despite the temptation he faced every day.

And if Madari hadn't been weak and ill when Jahni was in Zaire would his self-control have been enough to keep him from giving in to the dream? Wasn't kissing and lying together on the bed sinful too? Did he really have any right to condemn Haridi, when he was on a path that could take him to the same place?

Jahni came and sat beside him, looking at the newspaper, the picture of Haridi, wild-eyed and frightened in a police photograph. "A junior official in his department tipped the police off," Jahni said. "He'd followed Haridi there a couple of times. Nosy bastard."

"Kahil!"

"Well, he is. He's a highly religious man, I've heard and he's going to give evidence at the trial. Rat bastard should have minded his own business. Of course, some of the papers are treating him like a damn hero."

"But... well, what do you think of Haridi himself? Of what he did?"

Jahni shrugged. "He was a fool. He put himself in danger."

That wasn't exactly what Madari meant, but he decided not to press the point.

"Speaking of saunas," Jahni said, "I bet you're looking forward to having one after all this time."

"I have missed them," Madari admitted. "As long as nobody is trying to murder me, I find them relaxing."

"Yeah, you and Haridi could compete for the best 'bad day at the sauna' stories." Jahni grinned and Madari flushed and shook his head.

"You shouldn't joke. His life is ruined. Worse, the lives of his wife and children." Because he gave in to his desires. A man paid for that. Always.

"Sorry," Jahni said, looking chagrined. He put a hand on Madari's shoulder. "This has really upset you, hasn't it?"

Madari sighed and pulled himself together, summoning a smile. "I'm fine. Forget it."

I'm not him.

"Then let's eat."