Acknowledgement: Central gag inspired by the stand up routine of comedian Alan Davies and applied to The A-Team.

Tawnia's Body

"Have you got it?"

"Yeah, yeah. Man, what's she got in here, bricks?"

"You've got it?"

"I got it, I got it." There was a crash. "I don't got it."

"Murdock!"

"What the heck you guys doin'?" BA yelled.

"Murdock just dropped Tawnia's suitcase. Oh hell, now it's come open!" BA grumbled and came round to the back of the van to find Face and Murdock scrambling to retrieve Tawnia's scattered clothes. He giggled at their frantic efforts.

"Don't stand there sniggering," Face snapped, "help us pick this stuff up before she come out of the diner." BA knelt down. The first thing he picked up was a lacy bra in a fetching pastel blue shade. He dropped it into the case as if it had burnt his fingers.

"Whole other world, huh?" Murdock said grinning.

"Not to me," Face said smugly, handling Tawnia's intimate garments without a quiver.

"You know there's two ways that could be taken," Murdock said. "Maybe we should take a look in your luggage?"

"Ha ha. Look there's something over there by the wheel, grab it will you?" Murdock retrieved a white leotard type garment.

"Amazing, look at this thing, guys." He seemed fascinated.

"Put it away, fool." BA growled.

"I think it's called a 'body'." Face said. "Now put it away."

"I mean look." He held it up. "It's just so tiny. The elastic properties must be amazing. What's it made of?"

"Murdock…" BA said.

"Hey, look how it has these fasteners at the… at this bit. That's so practical."

"Murdock…" Face said, warningly. Murdock became aware of the fixed glassy smiles Face and BA were directing over his shoulder. He was still holding the body up and since he was now paralysed with terror he couldn't put it down.

"She's standing right behind me, isn't she?" BA and Murdock nodded in perfect sync. Slowly Murdock turned to look over his shoulder. Tawnia and Hannibal stood there, both frowning at the scene.

"Oh, hi, Tawnia," Murdock said brightly, a slightly unhinged smile on his face. "We were erm… just discussing the remarkable properties of modern fabrics, like how this tiny little thing covers your whole… ah… person."

Tawnia narrowed her eyes. "So, what you’re saying is… that I'm fat?"

"Oh man…" Face said.

"No!" Murdock protested, panicked. "No, no, no, no, no, no, of course not." He bundled up the body and quickly stuffed it in the suitcase. Face slammed the case shut and BA heaved it into the back of the van.

"Murdock," Tawnia said, in quite a mild and pleasant voice, "Can I have a word with you in private, please?" She wandered off round the front of the van. Murdock turned a sick looking expression on the others.

"Been nice knowing you, buddy."

"Yeah, give ma regards to St Peter, fool."

"Captain." Hannibal put a hand on Murdock's shoulder. "It's never easy to lose a man. Good luck, son."

Murdock squared his shoulders and marched off smartly to meet his fate.

end